summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
