i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
