He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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