why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
