I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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