Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
