So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
