Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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