all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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