Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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