I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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