"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize