yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
