your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
