6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
