well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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