I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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