well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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