I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
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