any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
