I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
