hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
