I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
