Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
