I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
