i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
