and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When are your genitals available?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
