I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
