That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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