This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
