Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
