your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
