Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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