"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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