This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
