My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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