I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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