you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
