so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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