I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
