Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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