My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
