My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
