GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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