i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The beer is more important than you right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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