I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
