So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
