She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
COCAINE IS GR8
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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