Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
