I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
