having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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