I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
