Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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