my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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