I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Enjoy the penises
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
