yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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