I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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