Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
