i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize