in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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