Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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