why didn't you poke me back
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
