butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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