I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
