dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
