Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
