I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize