I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize